Thursday, February 2, 2012

Diet Mishap

 I have always been against diets. When I was 13 years old, I started eating excessively, especially breads and pastries and my weight went up as it was expected, I don't think I weighed myself at the moment but it started to show. My mom trying to figure out what was the root of the problem, came out with the idea that I should start doing something to make me feel good about my body and take my mind out of food. So I joined a modeling school. It was probably not the best school, we found out later, but it served the original purpose. I started caring about my body, exercising and not eating all the time. I still ate pastries and bread for breakfast, that's why it was my favorite meal but I left them alone the rest of the day.
 I was exercising so my metabolism was faster and I could burn all those starchy calories throughout the day. I did not have problems again with my weight until I discovered my love for cooking and baking about 4 years ago.

I always thought and I still think (I have to find a way to apply it) that suffering is unnecessary, there is always a way to make things enjoyable. Hence my rejection to dieting, there is always stress around that word. But little by little, I started obsessing with my weight and being afraid it was going to spike up at any minute. I know how it works, if you think and put emotion to that thought it becomes reality, that's why we almost always get what we fear! It's so much easier to fear than to put our energies in something we really want. So it did, my weight went up, I tried to minimize my thoughts of fear but I am only human. After four years of counting and not counting calories, trying to relax or looking for entertainment to keep my mind out of food, I decided to follow a conventional diet to lose weight, for the first time. Previous times it was to maintain my weight, now I am on the other side I feared would arrive at any minute. And to let Ruth from the past know, it is not too bad.

   I started going to the gym about a month ago and counting calories again a week ago. It is still too soon to tell, I think I've been good but yesterday I had my first diet mishap. Maybe it was hormonal but I started feeling this emptiness in my stomach, like it was asking for that magic piece of food that would solve the world's problem. I tried one thing and then another and the magic did not arrive. Finally, I attacked the peanuts, almonds and nutella in my pantry and relief inundated me. 

   Sometimes too much control leads to chaos, that's why it is important to be flexible in life and the most important thing is to forgive ourselves when we fall out of line. We chose our lives to learn and there is no learning without making "mistakes".

Have a beautiful rest of the week and enjoy where you are now, now is all we have!

xoxo,

Ruth :)

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